Night of the Zombie Child

The moon is full.  Clouds drift over the sky casting eerie shadows.  Even the crickets are quite.

This is when Zombies walk the earth.

My daughter is five and still has to wear a pull-up to bed in order to keep her bed dry.  We've been trying to help her learn to get up and go to the pottie.  The doctor told us that before we go to bed we should wake her up and take her to the pottie.  That way she can empty her bladder and get used to getting up on her own.  Easier said than done.

I sneak into the room.  Taylor is sleeping upside down (head at the foot of the bed) with a blanket around her feet and her stuffed "Horsie" horse-shaped baby blanket on her head.  She is out cold.

"Honey, let's wake up.  Time to go pottie."
I rub her back gently but get not response.
"T, time to get up."
I remove Horsie from his position on her head.  Eyes are closed tight.  No movement.
"Cutie, let's get up and go to the pottie."
I tickle her feet.  No movement. 
I kiss her check.  Still, no movement.
"Taylor-pie...time to potty!"
Gently I move her around on the bed.

ZOMBIE EYES!

Her eyes are large and glassy!  Fixed in position.  There is no happy child smile on her face!  She is a zombie. 

I pick her up and she is functional enough to drop her landing gear and stand up on the carpet. 

"Let's go to the potty."

Zombie turns around and crawls back into bed.

"No, lets go to the pottie sweetie..."

I pick her up again and put her on the floor.  Gently I take her hand and lead her into the hall.  She turns and moves toward the office.

"Taylor, let's go this way to the bathroom."

We march toward the bathroom.  Her Zombie eyes see the baby's room and she redirects herself to the door to Katie's room.

"No Sweetheart, its this way."

Meanwhile the mommy has gotten out the I-phone and has started a video so that we can show Taylor her sleepwalking.

Taylor changes course, passes by the bathroom which has its bright light on and walks to our bedroom.  I just let her go.  She climbs up into the bed, puts her head on the pillow and is asleep again.

"Honey...no, we need you to go to the pottie."

I pick her up and put her legs on the ground, but Zombies are stubborn if you happen to know anything about Zombies.  I've dated a few in my past so I'm an expert.

The Zombie moved toward the door, turned 180 degrees and moved for the bed again. 

"No, no cutie...this way" and I gently pick her up again.

Finally the Zombie child makes it to the potty.  She stands there for a minute, turns around and climbs onto the pottie backwards facing the tank.  She still has her pajamas on.

"Mommy, go help the Zombie."

After a few minutes we finally make pee pees and head back to bed.  I put her back in bed the right way with her head on the pillow.  Ever so carefully I put Horsie back on her head and cover her with a sheet and blanket.

The mommy and I agree that this is not the right way to potty train a Zombie.