Hunting Chuck E. Cheese

Countdown to Delivery: 21 days
Due date: 4/18/10

Some say the world will end in fire.
Some say in ice.

Not sure if you are familiar with the poem, but Mr. Frost has it all wrong.  The world will end with Chuck E. Cheese.  If you have read the bible you know God likes catastrophic endings.  Just look at the tower of Babel, The Walls of Jericho, Sodom and Gomorrah, and Jael's spiking of Sisera's head to her tent floor.  I love that one.  So the world will end in the biggest, chaotic mess you can image!

Chuck E. Cheese.

Today was my daughter's fifth birthday.  Well, we staged a fifth birthday for her.  The real birthday is in May, but with the baby coming we just didn't think we could do a good job of it.  So she said she wanted to do it at the Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Fiasco and only wanted to invite girls.  If she had said "and I want the black plague rats there, too!" I might have been encouraged to go.

If you have not been to Chuck's place I'll paint a picture for you.  Go to the monkey house at the zoo.  Give all the monkeys amphetamines.  Then give them small coins in an open cup and turn them loose on the monkey bars.  Oh, and put the monkey house in a very small pizza place.  Chuck E. Cheese.  The horror.

First off it is a place where kids can run amuck.  That is a good thing!  The have very good security.  The waifish teen chick that guards the door and stamps your hand could easily stop me from swiping a young'un.  Especially since she didn't even check me when I loaded the car.  Besides, with half of them crying or screaming, who'd want one? 

I do like the fact that you can bring your own cake.  We got ours at Walmart with with HAPPY BIRTHDAY TYLER on it.  Ok, so the A costs extra.  Taylor didn't notice.  And it had light up princesses on it.  Oh joy!  I'm trying to find something that doesn't have princesses on it and I'm going to buy a dozen of whatever it is.

The children were zooming everywhere.  The pizza tastes like the store bought cardboard variety and I still have a pepperoni down my nice dress shirt.  On the inside, mind you.  Next time I'm wearing plastic.  You know its all plastics these days.  The soda fountain is nice if you can get to it.

Mostly what I don't like is the screaming.  The scared little girl screaming, like when Chucky, the walking rat, walks up behind my daughter and gives her a hug.  She was screaming and crying crocodile tears.  Naturally mommy wasn't there as she had picked this most opportune time to go to the potty.  Again.  Want to give a pregnant mommy a great gift?  Try incontinence diapers.

After three hours we were finally released on parole.  I had three years of my life sucked out of me in that place and all I have to show for it is a very high bank draft and a hand full of brass coins. 

Taylor had a wonderful time and her little girl friends are cute and funny.  Meanwhile I'll sleep with one eye open waiting for the horsemen followed by the giant walking rat.  Lord, take me soon.