One Month and Counting

Countdown to Delivery: 30 days
Due date: 4/18/10

My friend Tami at work said "wow, I can't believe 8 months have gone by so quickly!"  She's right, as this pregnancy has flown by.  I'm so glad, too.  As the first one progressed I worried myself sick.

Will the baby be sickly?
Will my wife die in labor?
Will it have three heads?
If I don't get test X done, will my child be a slobbering bone head that is a concert pianist?
Can I afford it?
Will insurance cover everything?

Fathers, especially new ones, worry a lot.  

I blame the doctors for this.  They just HAVE to tell you every scary thing they can think of.

"Ah, the daddy!  I'm glad you came to the visit.  Every father should come to at least once!"
"I've been to the last six visits so far..."
"Like I said, it is good to see you.  Now stand out in the hall, you are in my way."

"Doc, what is that gizmo?"
"Oh nothing, just the SuperProbe 1200."  She sticks it somewhere a probe like that probably shouldn't be.  The wife doesn't even flinch.

"Well?"
"Well what?"
"How is the baby....that's what."
"Sorry, can't really tell anything."
"Then what does the probe do?"
"Nothing Scott.  It is just an insurance requirement.  The jelly is free though."

The doctor leaves and the Midwife comes back in.  Now the Midwife is sharp.  She has her own babies and has delivered tons of them.  Doesn't hold anything back.

"Scott, do you feel that?"  She takes her hand and makes a 3" divot in my wife's huge belly.
"No...what is it?"
"The head."
"Feels like a foot."
"Could be."
"Could be what?"
"A foot.  It is hard to tell sometimes."

The Midwife says "Did you two decide on amnio testing?"
"What are we testing for?"
"Mutancy."
"Mutancy!!!!"
"Yes, Mr. Perry.  You may want to know if your child will resemble an alien."
"Actually I don't..."
"There are some risks with the test though..."
"What risks?"
"Well the test itself could make the child a mutant."
"Then why take the test?"
"Mr. Perry, there is a one in one thousand chance your kid could have seven eyes.  We need to know that."
"Won't we know it when it is born."
"Yes, but you need to know it before hand."
"What good would that do?"
"I don't know Mr. Perry...just good to know you are having a seven eyed child."
"But if I we take the test..."
"Then you have a one in five hundred chance of having a child with seven eyes."
"But that is worse!"
"Yes, but we don't make money for not giving tests."
"So how is the baby now?"
"Good...I guess."

"Why in the hell can't anyone in this office tell me ANYTHING about this baby?"
"What do you want to know, Mr. Perry?"
"Is the baby at the right angle to come out?"
"Well, the baby will move into position on its own."
"So you don't know..."
"Well, we still need to check it."
"So....just why are we here?"
"To make sure everything is alright with Marie!"
"But you don't know if anything is alright or not..."
"Yes...but we'll know more in four weeks."
"Um...the baby will be here in four weeks."
"Your right!  Won't that be a joyous occasion?"

They charged me for the visit.

My daughter is sleeping in the other room.  I'm going to go give her a kiss on the forehead and make sure she is warm.  She may be the only daughter I get.