To Every Pregnancy, Turn, Turn, Turn....

Countdown to Delivery: 22 days
Due date: 4/18/10

My research is done and I thank you all for the great tips that you've sent in for turning the baby.  Please don't be offended if we don't use The Bunjee Jump Method, the Waffle House Method or the very scary Car Battery Method.  I mean, we're aren't savages here.

We've decided to use the Sweet Sixteen method.  For those of you that are basketball fans, this is a great one.  Marie is glued to the tv each night watching college basketball so it is a natural.  The method goes like this...

First you get into a kneeling position on the king sized bed.  You lean forward and put your head on a pillow, then turn on the basketball game.  Each time you yell "hey, you stupid ref, are you @#$@!#% blind?" then you agitate the baby back and forth.  When your team hits a three pointer you immediately stand up on the bed and jump up and down.   Don't worry, we duct tape her knees together just in case anything wants to fall out.  Then its back to the head down position.  All this time the father is aiming a bright light at your butt going "Follow the light!  Follow the light!"

We rented a forklift to put Marie in position.  About an hour later (and just before game time) we were ready.  Duke was playing Purdue, so I won't tell you the outcome.  The ref missed two calls right off the bat, but the baby didn't turn.  I think she is a Kentucky fan. 

We continued to agitate the baby and the mommy.  Twice we had to roll her back up on the bed.  It would have been much easier if Marie didn't have to go to the potty during every commercial.  We kept having to start all over again.  Oh, did I mention that she had to eat fourteen enchiladas and keep an ice bag on her belly button?  It was quite complicated.  Really we were trying eight of the methods all rolled up into one.  That was my idea.  The stitches come out Wednesday.

Needless to say the baby didn't even move and the game was a nail biter.  We are sending this baby to NC Chapel Hill.

So this method is not going to work.

Our next attempt:  The Dune Buggy Method!  Grab your helmet!