Evel Knievel

Countdown to Delivery: 4 days
Due date: 4/12/10

The police will be coming to take me away tomorrow.  Its been real!  My next post will be from cell block eight where I'll be Big Bubba's love muffin.  Its a shame I spent all that money on education.

Why you ask?  For beating my child.

See, Taylor is going to the dentist tomorrow.  He is going to take one look at her and go "she has a child beating daddy!" and call the police.  The problem is that I didn't do it.  My lovely daughter has a rare disease called tripoverit.

Yup, its a sad state of affairs.  Yesterday when I came home her left cheek was swollen and was more colorful than a box of crayons.  Specifically violet, black and blue.  Taylor was having fun on the playground when she got in an argument with the concrete and the concrete won.  The kind teachers put ice on it and called my wife to let her know that THEY weren't beating my child.  Tripoverit can't be cured, not even with ballet and gym classes.  We've tried.

So today she was running on the playground and flew right into the head of her little friend Sherrie Grace (not her real name).  Sherrie Grace (not her real name) apparently has a skull made out of titanium.  Did I mention that this is their SECOND head to head crash this week?  Sherrie Grace (not her real name) lost that one and gained a fat lip.  Taylor impacted her friend with the same side of her face that the first boo boo was on.  Now she looks like Rocky just before the final fight.

So what is up with twinkletoes, here?  I mean...I am not a ballerina...but I can walk across the room without getting a close up of the genuine imitation wood flooring.  But little Crash here is literally black and blue from top to bottom except where she is scratched, which is multiple shades of red. 

Maybe I should name her after my childhood idol Evel Knievel!  He was great!  Broke every bone in his body and nobody made fun of him being a klutz.  He was SO COOL in his Elvis like red-white-and-blue jump suit.  I fell of my motorcycle many times trying some of his stunts.  Its hard for a 14 year old to line up 12 cars and build a jump ramp, you know.

Marie is carrying the incident reports from school to the Dentist's office just in case.  I'll be hiding in the basement if you need me.  I made sure to kiss Taylor goodnight VERY carefully.